


Sollux Hacks Into The Mainframe

by Classpectanon



Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [30]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Human, Computers, Gen, Hacking, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon
Summary: Obviously not, stupid. What is this, a movie? Fuck outta here.30/365
Relationships: Sollux Captor & BASH
Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085684
Kudos: 7





	Sollux Hacks Into The Mainframe

Obviously not, stupid. What is this, a movie? Fuck outta here. People don't "hack" into "mainframes" now - I mean, maybe they do, but not anyone that Sollux knows. He's never hacked into a mainframe in his life, because that would require him to know what a mainframe is outside of Hollywood cliche. What is this fucking title, can we get it changed? No? Whatever.

So there's this dude, right? His name is Sollux, as you know, and he likes to hack into websites. Well, not really "hack" in the way that most people would imagine hacking, but still pretty hacky, and he could pretty easily turn it into the malicious kind if he wanted to - he just didn't. Because he was cool like that. That's why he wore a black shoe and a white shoe and sometimes this old, wrinkly pair of 3d glasses. It was because he was cool, way past cool, cooler than being cool (ice cold). He sits in his bedroom all day, with about a dozen fans pointed at him and his closet server that he built out of old junk parts and a couple of towers he stole from the school computer lab and disassembled.

Because stealing is cool (no it's not). Piracy is cool (there we go). Do piracy, kids (do not do that, Sollux's internal dialogue is going to get me arrested). Do drugs, but only the ones your psychiatrist or general practitioner or other doctor prescribes you, and only in the amount and ways directed (Sensible and agreeable). Do drugs (Maybe). Sollux gently bonked at his head a couple of times to get the voice of the narrator out of it, because it was very annoying to have voices in your head giving you intrusive thoughts, so let's slip back into Sollux's point of view.

There we--

There we--

Okay, shut up. Sollux didn't hack mainframes, he hacked websites. And it was barely hacking - more exploiting than anything else. Sollux considered himself, at age 13, to be a very effective "Grey hat" hacker, which meant that he was basically a nuisance for new websites and little else, but a nuisance he prided himself on. Do you know what a CSRF attack is? Sollux does, and he does those. XSS Injection? Yeah, he's got that. Even SQL injection, because some baby websites were apparently not hardened to that even in 2020. But never anything crazy, and never anything actually damaging.

Today, though, he did leave a 50 gigabyte AI upscaled version of Rick Astley's "Together Forever" automatically playing on repeat as the background image for every single page on the website, proceeding to slow it to a grinding, squealing halt. In an attempt to protect the innocent readers's eyes from actually figuring out a way to do this to other websites, Sollux is blocking out your feed of him in the narration - instead, if you want, you can just imagine him hunched over on a keyboard, furiously typing into a small text box on a website, hitting enter, refreshing the page, until something worked.

There we go. Rick Astley installed. Now, all that there was left to do was send an email to the site admin to tell them exactly how he just did what he did, log off to let them handle their own new problem. Every user's internet was bricked by a sudden attempt to download and stream a 50 GB video, the website itself being crushed under the pressure of the file server, the file server crushed by how much time and processing power it took to even download the video in the first place, even their storage getting fucked - they barely had any room left now.

Oh well, that was their problem.

Sanitize your inputs next time, Sollux thought to himself as he drudged downstairs in his jammies for a morning pizza.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. All views, kudos, comments, and bookmarks are appreciated.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/classpectanon)


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